So long Rwanda!!! You will be missed!

Wow.  I cannot believe the time has come for this amazing journey to end.  I cannot believe that today is our last day as Peace Corps Volunteers.  Sarah and I have been in Rwanda for over 2 years and have completed our service with Peace Corps and now it is time to go home. 

Saying goodbye to our Rwandan family, neighbors, friends and co-workers was not easy and saying goodbye to the kids that we have come to love so much and that we have invested so much into was even harder.  Watching as the truck was packed and all the neighbors we love looked on was a little overwhelming.  Hugging the kids we love so much and telling them we may not see them again was heart-breaking.  One of my best friends who spent everyday visiting me walked off into the bushes to hide his face because crying in public is a cultural taboo.  They keep telling us the village will be “cold” now that we are gone meaning it will be sad and lonely.  So, I tell them Peace Corps may send new volunteers to replace us and then they tell me we can’t be replaced, they won’t be the same, not like us, that we are special and different from other Westerners, that they want us to stay.  This is such a difficult thing to carry…the feeling that we are leaving the people we love so much and that we have lived with hand in hand on a daily basis for the past 2 years.  They have truly changed us.

We have learned so many things over these 2 years.  We have learned that humility in understanding any situation and patience and sensitivity in dealing with cultural differences and/or disagreements.  We have learned that you can’t change a culture in 2 years but you can open minds to new ideas and set the wheels in motion for positive change.  We have learned that a few determined, motivated and upright people can make all the difference, that a small amount of resources in the hands of the right people can do amazing things, that you cannot help everyone but that is not an excuse not to try.  We have also learned that people you love and trust can turn on you, say horrible things about you and truly hurt you and that people are capable of doing horrific things but also are capable of a great amount of good.

We have been blessed with the chance to see the world and do amazing things such as: raft the Nile River, bungee jump over it, walk with lions, sit with mountain gorillas, go on safaris, see Zanzibar, learn a new language, live in a beautiful rain forest and meet so many amazing people from all over the world.  But the best of all was having the chance to be the hands and feet of Christ, to serve and love on these people right where they are.  And somehow, in the end, after all our effort and time, I feel that we are the ones who have come out blessed and with all the benefits…doesn’t seem fair.

Over the past 2 years, we’ve seen and experienced a joy that no amount of money or material possessions can produce…a joy that surpasses all understanding…at least our understanding.  We’ve seen and been a part of a community and group of people that have a love and heart for their neighbors that isn’t defined by status, background or segregated by city streets or blocks.  We’ve seen precious poor children suffer and die from 100% preventable diseases.  We’ve been betrayed, slandered, mocked and persecuted for doing what was right by those most close to us, those we trusted and loved dearly.

Over the past 2 years we have faced corruption head on and at times been a victim of it.  We’ve seen its effects first hand on people, fought hard against it at times and sadly, often, lost the fight.  We have developed relationships with people that are so different from us, learned to love, understand, support and believe in them, prayed with them, laughed with them, cried with them, buried their dead with them, celebrated marriages with them and the birth of children with them. 

Over the past 2 years we have seen poverty on a scale never before known to us. Poverty where many days and nights families don’t eat simply because there is no money for food, no 5 dollars to pay for health insurance that will cover the entire year resulting in most children going un-treated. Poverty where little girls rarely go to school because they are expected to tend to domestic chores and their younger siblings all day. Poverty where little kids run around naked because their parents don’t have the 50 cents for clothes or soap and where childhood is stripped away and replaced with non-stop manual labor.

We have battled cultural norms that often enslave people to lives of hardship, poverty, and malnutrition and probably will not live to see the impact our efforts have made or have not made on their lives.  We’ve often felt beaten down, defeated, discouraged, and always feel completely overwhelmed by the immense disparity between the rich and the poor in the world, by how much work is left to be done, how many lives are yet to be reached or touched, how many orphans, widows and lost people are yet to be cared for both physically and spiritually. 

However, in the end, we have come out encouraged, uplifted and honored that God has chosen us (all of us) to be his ambassadors of love and compassion to the world and to help others less fortunate than us in ways he has gifted us with.

We are trying our best to be the hands and feet of Christ, to love, serve, and care for those he would want us to care for, to forsake our own conveniences and amenities to help others, to allow Christ to glorify himself through our lives.  Though we are truly full and overflowing with inadequacies, inefficiencies and shortcomings, fortunately for us, his love, strength and power are proven most perfect and effective in our weaknesses.

We find ourselves daily challenged by his command and commission to GO!  And we are trying to respond to that command.  There are no doubt more qualified, gifted, talented, experienced, and educated people that us in this world but he has seen something in us worth redeeming, some potential for good and he has seen this quality in all of us, not just some or a select chosen few.  

I want to include here a page or two of the book “Radical” by David Platt that I feel is critical for all Christians to understand.

I wonder if we have in some ways intentionally and in other ways unknowingly erected lines of defense against the global purpose God has for our lives.  It’s not uncommon to hear Christians say, “Well, not everyone is called to foreign missions,” or more specifically, “I am not called to foreign missions.”  When we say this, we are usually referring to foreign missions as an optional program in the church for a faithful few who apparently are called to that.  In this mind-set, missions is a compartmentalized program of the church, and select folks are good at missions and passionate about missions.  Meanwhile, the rest of us are willing to watch the missions slide shows when the missionaries come home, but in the end God has just not called most of us to do this missions thing.

But where in the Bible is missions ever identified as an optional program in the church?  We have just seen that we were all created by God, saved from our sins, and blessed by God to make his glory known in all the world.  Indeed, Jesus himself has not merely called us to go to all nations; he has created us and commanded us to go to all nations.  We have taken this command, though, and reduced it to a calling, something that only a few people receive. 

I find it interesting that we don’t do this with other words from Jesus.  We take Jesus’ command to make disciples of all nations, and we say, “That means other people.” But we look at Jesus’ command, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest,” and we say, “Now that means me.”  We take Jesus’ promise that the Spirit will lead us to the ends of the earth, and we say, “That means some people.”  But we take Jesus’ promise that we will have abundant life and we say, “That means me.”

In the process we have unnecessarily (and un-biblically) drawn a line of distinction, assigning the obligations of Christianity to a few while keeping the privileges of Christianity for us all.  In this way we choose to send off other people to carry out the global purpose of Christianity while the rest of us sit back because we’re “just not called to that.”

In Romans 1:14 - 15, Paul talks about being a debtor to the nations.  He literally says, “I am in debt to Jews and Gentiles.”  The language is profound.  Paul is saying that he owes a debt to every lost person on the face of the planet.  Because he is owned by Christ, he owes Christ to the world.

Every saved person this side of heaven owes the gospel to every lost person this side of hell.  We owe Christ to the world, to the least person and to the greatest person, to the richest person and to the poorest person, to the best person and to the worst person.  We are in debt to the nations.  Encompassed with this debt, though, in our contemporary approach to missions, we have subtly taken ourselves our from under the weight of a lost and dying word, wrung our hands in pious concern, and said, “I’m sorry.  I’m just not called to that.”

The result is tragic.  A majority of individuals supposedly saved from eternal damnation by the gospel are now sitting back and making excuses for not sharing that gospel with the rest of the world.

But what if we don’t need to sit back and wait for a call to foreign missions?  What if the very reason we have breath is because we have been saved for a global mission?  And what if anything less than passionate involvement in the global mission is actually selling God short by frustrating the very purpose for which he created us?  

These are some profound words and should encourage all of us to think about how we perceive missions.  Indeed we all cannot go and live overseas in other nations.  We have to be realistic with the life God has given us.  But we can all respond to his command in different ways.  In the book there is a man named Steve, an accountant.  Steve is constantly asking his pastor, “How can I lead my life, my family, and my accounting firm for God’s glory in Birmingham and around the world?”  He is leading co-workers to Christ; he is mobilizing accountants to serve the poor; and his life is personally influencing individuals and churches in Latin America, Africa, and Eastern Europe with the gospel.  And, there are so many other people in the world like Steve using their skill sets to glorify Him.

Each and every one of us has the potential to live our life in a way that glorifies God and responds to his command.  We just have to make the effort to figure out what that way is and do it. 

So, this is Jarod and Sarah, signing off from Rwanda for the last time. Thanks to everyone who has followed along with us on this crazy and adventurous journey.  We love you and will be seeing many of you very, very soon and we cannot wait!

Oh…almost forgot.  We will be moving to Malawi in June to work with Esther’s House (a Christian outreach organization…puremission.org) so stay tuned for the next leg of the journey to see what wild, crazy, and amazing things God is going to do there.

Be blessed!

So long...

Oh man. What an interesting couple of weeks/days we've had. It's just been plain nuts. It started off around mid-February. We had a Close of Service (COS) conference in which we were told how this last few weeks should go as far as ending our service and leaving PC. Then, we got home and within a week had to return for our COS medical exams. The day mine ended I rode back to Banda with my supervisor from America and we had them plus the owner and some board members until about the 15th of March.

 

Jarod relaxing with Zuba on the porch for the last time

After that...its just was pure insanity. We started packing up our home. This is no easy task when you have lived in a place for two years and can only take a couple of suitcases home. In addition, when living in a culture in which everyone thinks you owe them something and should give away all your things and money to them...we faced a dilemma of what to do with all our crap. So we decided to sell it all. Every single thing. From pencils to furniture. We, of course, gave them the cheapest prices ever i mean like 5 cents and such but it was the principal of them investing into something that mattered to them and thus avoiding the "give me mentality". It was a HUGE success. We sold everything we had! And people wanted more but we didn't have anything else to give. It was great. We also showed the kids their first movie. They watched WALL-E. It was such a delight watching their little faces during the movie. They also got a yummy cup of porridge to fill their little bellies!

 

watching WALL-E 

Our days leading up to the goodbye was tense and stressful. Telling everyone when we were leaving and then constantly following up their questions of "yes but you'll return quickly" was overwhelming. The night before we left we hosted a going away party for all of our closest friends that had been important to us over the past 2 years. It was so sweet. We fed them this food called "akabenzi" which is basically pork and plantains but cooked in the most amazing way. They were so excited as many of them can not afford meat and this was their first time eating this dish that is so common in their country. We all then proceeded to tell awesome stories and memories about one another. They did a traditional dance for us and we joined in as best as possible. It was hilarious.

 

me trying to do the "cow dance" with my friends

All of our precious people...its so hard to believe 2 years have passed

The next morning was bitter sweet. Levi, our Supervisor showed up at our house at 6:20 am. We started packing all of our things and everyone came to help. There were so many people trying to get our things arranged that it was overwhelming. Naturally, this is the part where my "This is Africa" saying starts coming in to the equation. I climbed into the bed of the truck to arrange the suitcases and my arm just starts burning! I look down and some insect is stinging the mess out of me. Before I could get it off, it got me twice.  Then, Jarod hands me the bike and we realize it's too long. So we have to remove the back wheel from it. Then, of course we had to remove the back wheel of the other bike as well. But, we finally get it all packed. I'm doing a walk through of the house and walk outside and I'm just not paying attention so I kicked a rock and my toe starts bleeding. AHH!

Finally the moment has come...we say our goodbyes. This is the part where we lose it. My little babies, all present and accounted for on my legs. I couldn't take it! I just started crying. And then naturally because they don't cry a woman says "Jesus Christ look at Sarah, she's crying." So everyone starts staring. Then, I realize Jarod's crying and I lose it more. Finally and thankfully, we drive away. But those emotions couldn't stay long because less than 2 minutes later the car gets stuck and we have to all get out and push. Well...we as in me, Jeremiah and Jean Pierre push while Jarod just laughs at all of us and watches. Then, about 5 minutes later we get stuck again. But this time, when the truck takes off...he keeps going so we had to walk the shortcut up the mountain to catch up with him! Finally we get back in and literally 30 seconds later we get stuck again. He of course takes off again and we walked another 15 minutes to catch up for the 2nd time. I was thinking to myself how I just couldn't wait to never do this again! Thankfully, that was the last time we had to push.

Once we got to the main road, we were off! Within an hour and a half we were pulled over (in Rwanda, the police stand on the side of the road all day and pull over almost every other vehicle that goes by just because they can and want to see the paperwork etc.). This cop of course sees that we are white and assumes Levi is just a driver so he makes up this bogus law that we absolutely know to be wrong and writes Levi a ticket and takes his driver's license (also how they operate in Rwanda...takes the license and to get it back you have to pay the ticket). I am livid at this point! I'm screaming and Levi is laughing at me saying "This is Rwanda, you have to just be patient" blah blah blah. No. So we get pulled over about an hour later again and she sees the ticket and asks what happened. We explain to her the situation and we can tell by the look on her face it's a bogus ticket. She asked us to go speak with her boss and tell him what happened. So we do...probably because I was so furious that I couldn't see any reason not too. We arrive and they quickly direct us to the supervisor. Jarod and I explain what happens and he is surprised. He's the person in charge of the entire Southern province....meaning he's that dudes boss. He immediately calls and scolds the person on the phone and gets the ticket dropped. So Levi can now go get his license the next time he passes through. woo hoo!!

We continue on our way. After being stopped a 3rd time...we arrive! We head to Peace corps and naturally none of the people we needed were there (during business hours) and the people who were there didn't have one clue what to do with all our stuff we're required to turn in. Eventually the man in charge of taking PCVs stuff shows and takes care of it all in 25 seconds. We then went to our friend Emily's and we unpacked and it was such a wonderful feeling.

Since it's our goodbye moment with Jeremiah and Levi we all decided to go to dinner. Now, I may just be hateful at this point but I believe the waitress deserved to be straight up punched in her face. She forgot to bring Jeremiah's drink for more than 30 minutes...then got mad when Jarod got up and asked the bar for it. When our food comes out it looks great...burgers and fries. But we got our bill, she had added fries to all of our food. We told her we didn't add extra fries. She said they don't come with it but apparently the menu doesn't say that...they just bring you the food and then charge you. I said well you should say that on your menu and she says "well everyone knows". I quickly replied well I don't live here so I don't know! Jeremiah was mad but quickly decided to add thank you to her and she made a huffing sound and said "you people are making me tired" and walked off. It was not as nice as it sounds being typed. It was totally rude and Jeremiah was like "excuse me??" So that was my cue to leave before I got hateful! So we left the table a mess and I stormed out of there. Honestly, lady you have a job because I was hungry. Learn the words...customer service.What a day.

I keep thinking this place has made me an abnormally patient person with so many things and then a day like this happens and I wonder if I'm 12 again....thankfully we'll be home soon and then we can just remember the good things and spend time with our amazing families and friends.

5 days! I can't believe it.

Proof that we have done something!

Hello All,

I have officially failed as a frequent blog updater. Sorry! But, Sarah has made me feel bad so I decided to write a little something to appease her and to make me feel a little better in my heart as well. Let's see...100 days left of service...that is crazy and hard to believe. May 5^th is our official close of service date. So with most of our Peace Corps service behind us I have decided to write a little about our work over the past 2 years and accomplishments so you can see that we have actually done some things besides hole ourselves up in the middle of a rain forest for the past 2 years.

This is probably going to be a very un-detailed blog but should give you some understanding of the work we have been doing in our village. Most of our work has been health related since we are technically health volunteers. But, a lot of it has been outside of the health field and has dealt with community development. So, starting with health...we have worked constantly with a malnourished feeding program to monitor and evaluate the effectiveness of the project by continually weighing and measuring the children on the program. Sarah has also been able to help in this area using her background in nutrition to improve the quality of food the children are receiving to better meet their nutritional needs. For example, incorporating fresh carrots from the local garden to supplement their cups of porridge.

I am sure we have mentioned this in previous blogs but hygiene is one of the biggest issues in the village...well, all things health in general are an issue. Things that we know as just common sense like wash your hands before you eat and after using the bathroom, brush your teeth to prevent teeth issues, wear shoes because it can help prevent worms, don't drink bad water, don't have 359 children because you can't possibly feed them all and give them a good life, NO, condoms do not have HIV/AIDS implanted in them by the western world, they actually can help you prevent HIV/AIDS transmission, don't eat only potatoes every single day for every meal because you are getting no nutritional balance from eating all starches all the time, you are actually making yourself malnourished and so on. These are all things we deal with on a daily basis that many people have never even thought about because they have had no one to teach them. So, that has been part of our job...educating people on these topics: family planning, nutrition, hygiene, HIV/AIDS, etc.

We have also both done water projects with 2 schools in our village. My project was a clean water catchment system that we constructed to service over 500 primary school children and Sarah completed another bigger water project at a different school that now supplies 1600 students with clean drinking water.

In the not so health related field, we have done things like constructing a play ground for one of the previously mentioned primary schools. This is still a work in progress but we are getting there and hopefully will be done in a month or so. It takes quiet some time to level an acre + of land by hoe and shovel that is off by 15+ feet. I have also worked with our organization to bring an alternative fuel source to our village AKA briquettes. These are small donut looking things that are made from sawdust and scrap paper left over from carpenters and schools. They are mixed with water and compressed into briquettes which can be used for cooking, are half the price of charcoal and reduce the impact of deforestation around the village...which is pretty important since we basically live in a national park that is slowly being chopped down illegally.

We have also worked with the nursery school teachers to do a world map project. This map is 6 feet by 12 feet and actually turned out much better than we had planned. This is great because to be honest, most Rwandans (at least the ones from our village) know nothing about geography. I have still not found a person under the age of 30 who could find Rwanda on the map. They also believe and are even taught in most schools there are only 5, sometimes 6 continents. Because of course N and S America are all just one big continent and as far as Antarctica is concerned, it can't be a continent because, how can people live under the sea? These are all serious questions asked and simply come from a lack of education...another thing we take for granted. But we were so excited about this project because a person can actually learn so much from just seeing a massive map on a wall.

So, these are some of the things we have been working on. Other things include bringing 2000 books to the village (this is still in progress but the books should be in Rwanda within a week or so), teaching English lessons, conducting clothing drives with help from people like you and putting on one stellar dance party with the kids. Also, I have been teaching English songs to one of the local churches now for several months. So far they have learned 3 extremely well (Open the eyes of my heart Lord, O come let us adore Him and I am a friend of God) and these we have presented in church on Sunday morning. But I had to also sing their songs as part of the deal and do all the awesome movements and hand gestures. It 

was great. We have helped refer youth to feeding programs, health centers, monitored and evaluated all programs in our village and probably the most meaningful thing of all is we have developed relationships and friendships with our neighbors and co-workers that will last a lifetime. We have truly been accepted into the village I feel as much as any foreigner can be accepted into such a remote, rural and isolated village. The people are amazing and it will be extremely difficult to leave them.

Oh I forgot to also mention another huge accomplishment and one that was a life saver...that is mastering the art of a make-shift stove to make....wait for it.......PIZZA!!!! Without this little contraption, we might have been home a year ago and still be sitting even now in Pizza Parlor basking in the amazing goodness of that glorious salad bar and abnormally thin pizza dipped in delectable ranch dressing served on what I can only believe are old hubcaps. Oh Pizza Parlor...it will no doubt be a joyous reunion 100 days from today! This blog is for you!

Anyway, sorry I got a little carried away there. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and that you are enjoying the new year. I hope to see you all very soon! Be blessed!

Hilarious post....

Hello all....this is an awesome post another PCV sent me. I LOVE this woman's thought process and it's encouraging. It's currently circulating Peace Corps Volunteers as a sub for PC life...not parenting but it still resonates with us all!

And for all you momma's out there...


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html?ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

Glennon Melton

Blogger, Momastery

Don't Carpe Diem

Posted: 1/14/12 11:57 AM ET

Every time I'm out with my kids -- this seems to happen:

An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, "Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast."

Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.

I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life - while I'm raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.

Now. I'm not suggesting that the sweet old ladies who tell me to ENJOY MYSELF be thrown from a mountain. These are wonderful ladies. Monkees, probably. But last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: "Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast."
At that particular moment, Amma had arranged one of the new bras I was buying on top of her sweater and was sucking a lollipop that she must have found on the ground. She also had three shop-lifted clip-on neon feathers stuck in her hair. She looked exactly like a contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. I couldn't find Chase anywhere, and Tish was grabbing the pen on the credit card swiper thing WHILE the woman in front of me was trying to use it. And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, "Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you."

That's not exactly what I wanted to say, though.

There was a famous writer who, when asked if he loved writing, replied, "No. but I love having written." What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, "Are you sure? Are you sure you don't mean you love having parented?"

I love having written. And I love having parented. My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least.

Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I'm being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times -- G, if you can't handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?
That one always stings, and I don't think it's quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it's hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she's not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn't add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it's so hard means she IS doing it right...in her own way...and she happens to be honest.

Craig is a software salesman. It's a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don't ever feel the need to suggest that he's not doing it right, or that he's negative for noticing that it's hard, or that maybe he shouldn't even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he's ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: "This career stuff...it goes by so fast...ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!"
My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn't enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn't in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn't MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I'd wake up and the kids would be gone, and I'd be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.

But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here's what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:

"It's helluva hard, isn't it? You're a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She's my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime."And hopefully, every once in a while, I'll add -- "Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up -- I'll have them bring your groceries out."
Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn't work for me. I can't even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.

Here's what does work for me:

There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.

Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.

Like when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear her because all I can think is -- This is the first time I've really seen Tish all day, and my God -- she is so beautiful. Kairos.

Like when I'm stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I'll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.

Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.

These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don't remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.

If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.

Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.

Good enough for me.

Janvier and Polina

I wanted to give an update on our precious kiddos, Janvier and Polina. As you may recall their mom abandoned then in the middle of the night. Polina woke up and came to our house to tell us she was scared. Her mom never came back. Man, we have loved those kids so completely over the past one year and 4 months since she left them. We have tried to help them in every way we possibly could. Many tears have been shed over those precious kiddos. I have screamed at their caretaker and begged her to give them to me, I have begged God to change the Rwanda laws so I could have them and on and on. I've started freaking out a little wondering what would happen after we leave.

Well after one year and four months, their mother just reappeared last week. For those of you who really really know me this won't surprise you, but you had better believe she got death darts from my eyes upon seeing her. But I think she truly felt her absence when Janvier insisted "he didn't have a mommy" (she left before he was old enough to talk) and he refused to let go of me to go to her.  Either way, they've loved her  as only precious innocent children can and accepted her completely back! She brought them lots of clothing, shoes, and has bathed them daily since her return. They look so fantastic. They're clean, Janvier's legs are totally healed and they're all smiles.

And...to top it off their dad, whom until recently denied they were his children (although they are spitting images) had another wife who just left him. Their mom has moved into his home. SO....now they have gone from a caretaker who said she would be "better off if they were dead"  to a home with their mother and their father living under one roof! I know it has only been 1 1/2 weeks but I can't help but be completely hopeful that God has heard my prayers and brought her back just in time for me to leave knowing that they will be cared for. I've explained to her that they love her and need her here...so we'll see if she stays.