Who are you...

When every single thing that makes you, “you” is stripped away- who are you? It is a really hard question to answer. Many of you are thinking of who you think you are and assuming you’d probably be pretty much the same, after all, most people think it isn’t things or people or places that make you who you are, but you’re wrong.

 

Unless you’ve experienced it, you can’t know. You can’t guess. You can’t even imagine-as an American it’s the most foreign concept you can think.

 

Think about it.

 

For one week…what if I took your family away? Everyone. Every single person except your significant other.

 

Your friends. Not only your closest friends but everyone, including all acquaintances and co-workers. Everyone you know. Gone.

 

Your church. The worship. The fellowship. The preaching. Gone.

 

Your job. You have absolutely nothing to do. No job description. No way to fill your time. Nothing.

 

Your electricity. When you want to watch something or cook or fix your hair to go out or simply sit on the couch and read a book…you can’t. It’s gone.

 

Your running water. What if you want to take a relaxing shower or bath to fill some of your newly freed time, but you can’t unless you draw water one bucket at a time and walk it to your house. What about using the bathroom? Washing your hands? Or dishes? Or bathing your children? Gone…

 

Your grocery stores. Where will you shop? How do you get the most basics? Where can you find your comfort foods? Gone…

 

Your car. With all the newly freed time you have, it’s ok because you have the whole day to walk someone instead of popping in the car and getting there in minutes.

 

Finally, on top of all of this I took your language. Everyone I’ve taken from you has been replaced by someone who doesn’t speak your language. They just stare at you while you’re trying to communicate your most BASIC needs (because after all what else is left at this point but the basics)?

 

How hard would life be for one week? One month? 3 months? 9 months? Or year and one month?? That’s where I am. Everyone I talk to keeps saying “you sound sad”. I’m not sad. Everything feels out of my control. I feel like a lost emotional child who can’t figure out where everyone and everything went and left me. I chose this life. I chose Peace Corps. I chose to leave my family, friends, church, job, electricity, running water, etc etc etc. I chose this.

 

Yesterday I went to the post office to check for packages and surprise we had 2. But, then because it was raining, naturally the post office workers didn’t come to work. So, I stood there knowing I had a little piece of home right there behind the wall I was staring at but had to go all the way back to my village empty handed. Something like this wouldn’t have bothered me before but here…it was a deal breaker. I sat in the truck crying like a baby while Jarod and my supervisor went around town buying our groceries. I just sat there. Little things that couldn’t matter in the big picture…totally spin me out of control now. I hate it. I don’t like the person I am without everything else. So I’m figuring it out.

 

That’s where I am right now. I’m not sad. I’m just trying to rise to the occasion…

 

sarah